Gin Drunk Haikus
Martha writes Haikus
Drunk on Gin and writing with
A giant pencil.
Gin-soaked haikus write
them on the counter they don’t
rhyme no one cares nope
Steve, not a pussy, handles the tractor tires.
STORIES:
Tire guy didn’t show.
Too much snow; total pussies.
Or they aren’t there.
Pumphouse bar is best
Bar. we love pumphouse bar yes
Dogs are allowed here
Gin and pickle juice
Choke Rachel, she coughs it up
So damn gross, you know.
Last night we learned that
Nona hearts opium
A ball of magic
Patriotic pants
Easy to see in the dark-
Room. It must be Steve.
McDonald’s iced tea
Jacks Kim up one dollar per
Glass free refills yay
Oumuamua, the Space Turd
SPACE TURD: A Space Oddity
Find out more about Oumuamua, (the space turd) here.
Is it a cigar
No it’s a flying space turd
Go away space turd
The space turd has come
They saw us they went away
No space poop here please
Does the space turd care?
Do they visit to help us?
Or are they just shits?
Space turd flies in space
Will our solar system flush?
We passed it. All’s well
Phineas, the Furry Little Ham
ANIMALS:
Furry litte ham
Prances around big man cat
Coyotes sit, wait
Coyotes howling
Bun-holes pulled tight; cats furry
Under the bed go
Dogs wrestle the cats hide
Knock shit over on the floor
Someone will get hurt
Where’s the fucking dog
I spilled avocado down
The barstool leg now
Aggie is starving
Feed the dog some turkey scraps
Cockeyed dog hungry
Call the cats to eat
Dinner for cats is now there
Mushy food for cats
JOSHUA TREE GENOME PROJECT:
Measure the crotch buds
Count them all for the science
Terminal rosettes
PEOPLE:
Jim’s butt gets too hot
Move away from the hot fire
Sing somewhere else now
Naked Jimmy stands
In the center bull-roaring
Rainbow sparkles shine
Good catch Kim the av-
ocado doesn’t roll down
The counter catch it
It’s too cold for him
Leland puts on even more
Wool Brrrrr It’s chilly
THE ARTS:
Erle Stanley Gardner
Terrible writer but he’s
Fan-fucking-tastic
Kim does the horn part.
Ring of Fire will sound so great.
It’s a kazoo. What?
POLITICS:
Who the fuck voted
For this ass-clown seriously
What the fucking hell
MYSTERY RANCH:
Mystery hole deep
Rocks tumble down bouncing in-
to the universe
SKYWHEEL PROJECT:
Skywheel haikus for
Love and power we need them
To send to the space
Mantras prayer time
Affirmations for the earth
Send love to the sky
ALCOHOL:
Soapy beer bottle
No open container here
Steve washed it out dude
Cabin drunkards tell
Stories, they don’t make any
Sense, no. But they work.
So hammered on gin
Bang head on barstool counter
Ouch should stop drinking
I can’t drink anymore
Gin or I’ll die, only
Water now to live